How I Roll (Plus Four)

Dear Friends/Neighbors/Loved Ones and Not-So-Loved ones,

I know you hear me. I know you see me. I can’t imagine what you think of me. The truth is, I’m not always like this. But you see, I have four children. I have *pause* two 7 years olds, one 5 year old and a 2 year old. When you have four children sometimes (or most of the time) you barely remember to call them by the right name. When you have four children you have to pause (see above) before you can tell people their ages. When you have four children it takes nothing short of a miracle to spout off all their birthdays (including year) without making a mistake or stumbling over your words.

And so you see… getting into the car to go anywhere with 4 children is a thing. Not only that but between those 4 children we have 5 official diagnoses (ADHD is real, yo! X2), 3 with developmental delays and 2 currently going through further evaluations. I repeat, getting in the car to go anywhere with 4 children is a thing.

Friends, neighbors, loved ones and not-so-loved ones… When you see me… standing at my front door… while a trail a children emerges from beneath my outstretched arm… know this… The words that are coming out of my mouth as I scream for them to get into the car 20 times (oh, look, something shiny), as I ask them to get themselves buckled 20 times (“that cloud looks like Mickey!!!”), as I scream for them to go back inside and put shoes on (because, seriously?! I told you 20 times inside)… Those words coming out of my mouth are not indicative of the type of mother that I am. Leaving the house with 4 children is a thing.

Friends, neighbors, loved ones and not-so-loved ones… Please take this as my formal apology for my rants between your snooze button compressions in the morning. Please forgive me for the borderline inappropriate rages while you drink that calming glass of wine at dinner. And please, please know that I am truly sorry as I wail when we get home at the end of a long day while you’re getting ready for bed, because you see, going from the car to the house with 4 children is also a thing.

Now please, friends, join me as I petition Kroger and all of it’s affiliates to sell wine, milk, diapers and their delicious fried chicken at their gas station island marts. Please, for the sanity of mothers all around the world, join me.

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